Attack The Opponent: Air Force Academy Falcons

The hierarchy of meaningless gods that I think of for things that are matters of chance are not in charge of the big stuff. In fact, in this gospel, they’re just as bewildered as we are about the origin of the universe. There’s no water into wine here. No burning bushes, no talking snakes. If help is needed with understanding life’s big questions, these gods should not be anywhere around. These are the gods that are found on drag strips and in casinos. The gods that send video game sniper bullets to end you just after you spawn and guide your kid to leave Lego in the hallway right outside of the freaking bathroom AGAIN.

The bottom tier gods are weak. They’re the ones that steal socks out of the dryer and make batteries drain in the remote too fast. If there is something that can go wrong, you can bet there’s some middle-management type deity to blame. Get a badly wrapped burrito? Traffic light turn yellow for .5 seconds after being green for 3 cars? Dead phone battery? Can’t find a lighter? Car keys missing? Gather around, friends, for I know this to be true. The gods of minor inconvenience are jerks, but they cannot compare to the vengeful spirit of the sports and games gods and their sovereign leader, the chaos god.

If you are expecting a message of love and peace, well, this is going to be disappointing. The chaos god doesn’t concern herself with the petty matters of want or need. Her only concern is random joy and anguish. She sees us as toys, as entertainment, just as she sees her court. All games have these gods – from go fish with grandpa to putting it all on red. At the chaos god’s side, surrounding her and feeding her need to feel powerful, are the gods of gambling, of base jumping and motorcycle racing.

The chaos god’s favorites and closest are the gods of ball sports.

These are not gods of much virtue. They are narcissistic and dense, a study in bad behavior. Borderline violent, they specialize in injuries, bad calls, and lost tempers. They consider themselves better than the other gods, and thus are entitled to special privileges and throw tantrums when things don’t go their way. Then they play it off as intensity or boys being boys. The ball gods are seen by those who do not see the truth as a challenge. As random luck. As just not their/their team’s day. All of those things are true sometimes – but behind all of  madness, are just a pack of bros who like games and partying and pageantry and hanging out with an unpredictable goddess – the mother of risky, trashy behavior and not an ounce of concern for others or the consequences of actions.

The chaos god smiles. She feels better when emotion is extreme – high or low. She picks on those she loves, and the ball sports boys get her attention because they’re way more fun to torture and take things much more seriously than the lowlife dryer guy.

Athletes play their sport for a myriad of reasons, just like those who support and work in the industry as well as fans. Everyone’s reasons are special and beautiful, totally individual, and matter little in the long run. Humans have been competing since the first guy grunted at the other about who could make it to that rock and back fastest. The chaos god and her following of weak willed celestial jerkbags have been around just as long, messing around in a world of idealism and people trying to be part of something bigger by tripping people who are running and inspiring bad ideas in people who otherwise wouldn’t cheat.

This week Boise State plays a team that consists of young men who have taken to the lifestyle of living at the intersection of idealism and reality. The idea that AFA could be the beneficiary of a billion turnovers for the second year in a row, getting a win on The Blue  in the process, and sending Boise on the first two game skid since 2007 is just silly. THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THIS FAN BASE WHO ARE ALIVE AND IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL NOW WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE SAD TWO WEEKENDS IN A ROW BECAUSE LOSING. WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

Theoretically Boise should win because talent and stats advantage and that BSU Speed. But triple option. AFA is better than New Mexico. Boise State just lost to New Mexico. Weston Steelhammer, obvious mutant in X-Men style, is still freaking playing for the Zoomies instead of out saving the world. So, there will be an athletic contest played this weekend. There will likely be a result. Nobody has a damn clue what that result will be. Let’s find out together. Go Broncos!



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